May

Grief & Loss

Welcome!

Wow, what a month, filled with struggles and challenges. This one is more difficult for me to write, (hence why it is late) but I believe it is important to share, to normalise. Sadly many educators will lose a student throughout their careers, so it is important to talk about and learn from the more uncomfortable or sometimes painful experiences. Trigger warning for topics including suicide and loss.

Life

Update: Last month, I lost a past student who I cared deeply for. They had only just graduated at the end of last year and I was truly excited to see what they were going to achieve. They were brilliant and bright and they had a mind like no other student I have taught. They pushed the boundaries at times with their behaviour and choices, but underneath they had a strong heart and they cared deeply for those they loved. I found out just after arriving in Canada, that they had taken their own life, they had sent me a message to say thank you and goodbye (when I read it I didn’t realise its implications until afterwards my colleague/ friend called me to let me know).

I have never lost a student with whom I was this close, so grieving through this is new to me. Due to some of my past experiences, I have chosen to learn about grief in the last few years and so I have found I am coaching myself through this one. Of course, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, however, in the past, my coping strategies were unhealthy and caused more damage. What I have found has helped this time is;

- welcoming all feelings, whenever they arise, without judgement

- talking to my close family and friends

- giving myself the time and space to feel

- not setting any expectations of myself

- reminding myself it is temporary and although grief becomes a part of you, the deep painful feelings will pass

- observing myself go through the different stages with kind awareness

- finding comfort in knowing that death doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the end to a person’s soul

- drawing strength from my sadness and allowing it to help nourish my passion for normalising learning about emotions

As I am still currently overseas, I know that I am going to go through more emotions and feelings when I return back home. I am conscious that this is just the beginning and that has now become a part of who I am.

Something I don’t think teachers talk about enough is the fact that we spend so much time and invest so much emotional energy into our students every year, but then they move on, either to the next grade, another school, or off into the world after graduating. I know that sometimes it can be a relief and that we are of course genuinely excited for our students to grow, but we often don’t acknowledge the reoccurring varying loss we experience. We can at times spend more time with our students than they spend time with their own families, but then one day they go and often we never hear from them again.

Whilst there are now evidence based approaches to dealing with a student suicide at school (Headpsace), I am unaware of specific support resources for teachers. Grieving a student is different, as it is not your child, they were not your friend, but you still developed a significant relationship with them. Drawing support from your colleagues or personal counsellor (potentially one provided by the school if available) I know are options but do you know of any support groups or resources that focus on supporting teachers through the loss of a student? If you do, I would love for you to share.

Currently reading: Ruffles on my Longjohns - it is an extraordinary true story of a young women’s move up to the Canadian wilderness in the early 1900’s. It is remarkable how much life has changed. This book reminded me how the simplest life can bring deep satisfaction and fulfilment.

Wellbeing Practice: I have focussed on my nutrition this month, as I have seen over the years the impact that it can have on my mental and emotional health, however it is often the first thing I drop when stressed or busy. I have prioritised water, vitamins and minerals, increased protein and fibre. An unhealthy pattern I have is I can often look to food to help cope with uncomfortable emotions, so I have tried to make some changes to this throughout May.

Quote: They asked her,

“How do you get through tough moments?”

She answered,

“Do not trust the way you see yourself when your mind is turbulent and remember that even pain temporary. Honour your boundaries, treat yourself gently, let go of perfection, and feel your emotions without letting them control you. You have enough experience to face the storm and evolve from it.”

yung pueblo | resilience

This quote is a true reflection of the last couple of months for me. By inviting all emotions with compassion, being curious about what I am feeling and observing my ‘think, feel, act’ patterns I have been able to keep calm and patient throughout the ups and downs of life recently.

Learning

How we best teach young people about grief and loss has been on my mind lately. Unfortunately it’s commonly only spoken about when it occurs, rather than a proactive approach. Do you have grief and loss in your curriculum?

Here are a few resources I found that may be helpful;

How Children Process Grief and Loss Through Play

Helping Children Deal With Grief

ReachOut - Grief and Loss

Headspace - Grief and Loss

As the priority this month has been my family and myself, I have not completed too much academic reading or research, however I have just purchased some new books so I will unpack these in next months edition.

Following: I have come across a few wonderful professionals in the SEL space including;

- Krysten Taprell; @the_therapist_parent

- Nawal; @thebraincoach

- Claire; @the.unteachables

Upcoming

Services: I am currently finalising the services I am going to be providing to schools, including EQ PD&PL, SEL Certification, Leadership Development, Student Workshops and Parent Information Sessions. I am hoping to finalise and launch my website by the end of June!

Thank you for reading! I hope something that I have shared here will help you in navigating your life with your own EQ compass.