April

patterns & perspectives

Life

Update: Throughout April, I have been humbly reminded that although we can prepare ourselves, to the best of our ability, for many of life’s events, there will always be different perspectives and unexpected challenges that will bring on heavy and complex emotions.

As a child, adolescent and into the early years of my adulthood, I believed all of my thoughts were facts, I labelled myself based on what I was feeling and I let my unhealthy and unhelpful patterns drive my reactions and behaviours. This led me to develop severe anxiety and depression and into a very dark place, unaware there was another option.

I know now (after educating myself through study, books and courses) that when our emotions are sparked, we have a choice to react on autopilot based on patterns we have consciously and unconsciously built in the past, or take a step back, observe, learn and choose a path forward that will help us grow. Although I have caught myself on my ‘default settings’ at times, I have tried my best to consciously choose the path of growth throughout this month in various situations. On a smaller scale with everyday moments, to a much larger and heavier weight with current family and health battles and a very recent tragedy close to my heart.

There have been a few situations recently that have brought to my attention the importance of understanding that two people may do or live through the same event, however, each experience of that event will differ. The emotions each individual feels at the time will be based on their past patterns and what each individual will remember about that time will reflect what they felt during the event. At times, we can forget this and assume that others’ experiences were/are the same as ours. This goes for our relationships with our students, parents, colleagues, friends, partners and family. Assuming the other’s experiences and memories are the same as yours, during or after shared situations, can lead to miscommunications, confusion, and disconnect. It is therefore vital to;

- First recognise if you are closed or open to varying perspectives.

- Secondly, acknowledge and listen to other’s perspectives without judgement but with curiosity and compassion.

As educators, we interact everyday with so many different people of all different ages, experiences and backgrounds, each are walking their own journey and doing their best, including you. Remembering this will help to develop our own self awareness and foster our empathy into action. It will help build stronger, healthier and more honest connections and relationships with those around us.

Currently reading: ‘Apples Never Fall’ by Liane Moriarty. I am only a few chapters in, but already it flows on with the theme that you never really know what another is thinking and feeling, unless you ask and you are given an honest answer. Even then you have to be conscious of your own bias of which you are hearing the other perspective and be open to just accepting that some things will forever be unknown and we may never full understand. Although that may bring on an uneasy feeling for some, we must normalise getting comfortable being uncomfortable in this space.

Wellbeing Practice: To ensure I am practicing self care during a time where I am trying to be emotionally strong for others, and work through my grief whilst being away from my normal comforts at home, I have;

- reached out to close friends and family to talk through how I am feeling.

- continued physical activity (walking and gym) to release emotional energy and breathe fresh air.

- given myself the time and space to feel all of the emotions with kindness and patience.

Learning

Quote: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

Think back to your experiences as a student or young person. What memories arise? Notice what feelings are attached to those memories. Often those moments we experienced strong emotions are the ones we remember, both those filled with joy and excitement as well as those where we experienced fear or sadness. Whilst we have no control over other’s feelings (which I know may seem contradictory to the quote), we can create situations that spark particular emotions for others intentionally or otherwise. For example, if you want students or staff to feel safe in the classroom or in meetings, we can consciously create an environment which is calm and accepting and that encourages vulnerability. If we want to students or staff to experience excitement and joy, we create fun and engaging challenges and activities for them. This approach stimulates their hearts and their minds and therefor encourages the information to be stored and form new pathways in their neural networks. All whilst keeping in mind that everyone’s experience is going to be different, and that is okay.

Reading: I have gone back to one of my favourite books “Emotional Agility” by Dr. Susan A David. It solidifies what I have experienced, that life can amazingly beautiful but also extremely challenging. We are all going to experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in our own ways. There are however evidence based, valid tools we can use to help us respond and adapt to change, loss and challenges. I strongly encourage teachers, educational leaders, parents and emerging adults to read and learn from this book a greater understanding of the power of choice we have if we step back and create space between us, our emotions and our thoughts.

Upcoming

Although EQ Connect’s journey has been slower than I first imagined, due to unforeseen circumstances, my drive to help educate others about emotions, to cultivate greater emotional strength, agility and resilience in this world is stronger than ever. Whilst my family is the priority at the moment, the online intro to EQ for educator course is still in the works and I will soon be able to reach out to school to run in-house workshops with leaders and educators, followed closely by workshops for students and parents in the near future.

Thank you for reading!